About Jake

Hi, I’m Jake. And no, I’m not entirely sure who I double-crossed in the cosmic chain of command, but here I arrived—choke-slammed into a life that felt like turning up at your own welcome party, and realising it’s actually an intervention.

Somehow, I managed to tick off God—or the universe, or whoever’s running this knockoff circus—just enough, because while some people got the ‘life is a journey’ starter pack, I got the ‘let’s see how much he can take’ challenge mode.

Kidding… sort of.

As it would turn out, they didn’t just forget to give me the instructions, no. They set them on fire, danced around the flames, and called it a team-building exercise.

Yet here are the teachings life has been able to bludgeon into me so far (for those too lazy to read the blog and think scrolling through this counts as cardio).

What You’ll Learn If You Stick Around

• Life Is a Hurricane Wearing a Blindfold
  It doesn’t care about your plans, preferences, or timelines, and it sure as hell isn’t waiting for you to get your act together. Pain and growth? They’re your uninvited plus-ones—annoying but essential if you want to get anywhere meaningful.
• Chasing Happiness Is a Losing Game
  That whole “If I could just get X, I’d finally be happy” fantasy? Utter nonsense. It’s like chasing a rainbow only to find a sewage drain at the end. Happiness isn’t hiding in some magical achievement or possession.
• Relationships Are the Only Scorecard That Matters
  Not the constant chase for a fatter paycheck, a fancier postcode, or the job title that makes you sound even douchier at parties. It’s the people who stick around, who see your mess and decide it’s worth being part of anyway. They’re the ones you’ll want by your side when the final credits roll.
• God Is Real—Just Not as Advertised
  He’s not the micromanaging, lightning-wielding deity you were sold in Sunday school. Think less Zeus on an ego trip, more unbothered life coach, casually filing his nails while you self-destruct, before deadpanning, “I’m right here, just saying.” Adjust your expectations accordingly.
• Your Purpose on Earth Is Not About You
  Your divine purpose is found in service to others. Hold the door open for someone without sighing loudly, pick up a coffee tab, or just refrain from being insufferable. That’s it. Everything else? Smoke and mirrors.
• Death Isn’t the End
  This isn’t about harp-playing angels or clouds that double as lounge chairs. Science has some receipts—backed by over 15,000 recorded cases—because apparently, dying comes with reviews. And those reviews? Well, let’s just say the afterlife isn’t the void you’ve been dreading.
• A Real Relationship with God Goes Both Ways
  It’s not about tossing prayers at the sky like darts after three pints. It’s a proper back-and-forth—real, grounded, and built on on something sturdier than blind faith. It’s the kind of connection where you feel seen, even when you’re royally screwing things up.
• Time Is Not on Your Side
  Here’s a stat to make you rethink everything: 20% of us won’t live to see 70. That’s not me being morbid—that’s from Stanford¹. Stop wasting time pretending you’ll “do it later,” because later is far from guaranteed.
• Peace and Fulfilment Take Work
  Real peace and fulfilment don’t come wrapped in a promotion, a relationship, or the latest overpriced gadget. They’re crafted from the inside out—slowly, stubbornly, and with just a touch of ‘why me?’.

For me, these lessons started early—long before I knew what to call them.

This Boy’s Life

I was born into the kind of family dynamic that makes therapists rub their hands together and think, ‘This one’s going to pay off my mortgage.’ Abuse? Check. Torture? Check. Psychopathy? Oh, absolutely—why stop at just one helping?

By five, I was already well-acquainted with childhood PTSD, depression, and the concept of ‘life’s not fair’ on a level most people don’t reach until their mid-40s. While other kids were spinning in circles, thinking rainbows were the pinnacle of existence, I was more the Benjamin Button of the playground, standing back with a heavy sigh, muttering, ‘Amateurs.’

And yet, even back then, there was this faint flicker of awareness—like a little voice muttering, “these adults around you? Yeah, they didn’t fall out of the womb this messed up”

That flicker sparked a 15-year hunt for answers. It took a lot of pain, a couple of breakdowns (mental and physical, because why half-ass it?), a showdown with God, and surviving a relationship so toxic it made Chernobyl look like a picnic—what can I say, I’ve always had a gift for spotting red flags and running straight toward them. But eventually, I found the answers I’d been looking for—and what I discovered didn’t just change my perspective—it rewired how I see everything.